Showing posts with label UNWRITTEN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label UNWRITTEN. Show all posts

Thursday, 26 September 2013

UNWRITTEN: Application Denied

Your Name: Elyssa D. Durant
Position Desired: YOURS

What are you seeking in a job at this point in your life?
An advocacy position working with children that would allow me to combine my academic training and educational background with my passion for grassroots policy planning and program development. I have been working at the grassroots level with a number of organizations for many years, and I enjoy seeing the public realize how effective they can be in advocating for themselves. I have witnessed many people take off personally and professionally once they experience how gratifying it can be to become empowered through expressing their views and making their voices heard. I enjoy leading people on this path of empowerment.
Why do you want to work with children?
Having participated in the head start program as a small child, I was fortunate enough to be given additional resources that allowed me to be on a level playing field when I started Kindergarten at 4 ½ years-old. I believe working with Stand for Children will allow me to give a voice to small children and some of the disenfranchised families who have the greatest need for strong, well-organized representation.

How would you explain community or grassroots organizing and what about it appeals to you as opposed to other ways to improve the lives of children?
Grassroots advocacy would allow me to work directly with stakeholders on critical policy initiatives and budget priorities. I enjoy helping the public have their opinions heard and consider myself empathetic to the needs of my target audience and population. I enjoy working towards a stated goal and seeing that programs be properly designed, planned, and implemented to allow for effective program development and policy implementation. In addition, working sat the grassroots level allows you to interact with those who are directly affected by the programs and policy reform initiatives. I enjoy listening to people and helping to empower the disenfranchised populations. Grassroots work allows you to see change happen and letting people know how important each and every voice is on the political spectrum. By establishing a positive network of community alliances and establishing a good rapport with the general public, they will feel that they had a direct role in creating the new programs and policies, and they are much more likely to remain active in their child's education and community programs long after I am gone.

What adjectives would people who know you generally use to describe you? Name specific work situations in which these attributes have served you.
People often comment on my dedication: I do not take on causes that I do not believe in. I will do "whatever it takes" to see that I achieve results that are beneficial to the community I live in, the organization I represent, and the children who need my voice.
I am sincere and not easily swayed from my viewpoints. I am very true to my clients, and believe in what I say. I am outspoken. I am not easily intimidated and believe that I have a right to be heard, as do the children, families, and communities I represent. I am eloquent, logical, and persuasive. I can usually find a way to relate to my clients, and give them a reason to participate in the legislative process. I help them understand that they are a crucial in seeing effective programs implemented in a way that will best serve the needs of their children and communities. I help my clients feel empowered by showing them how their direct participation can improve their circumstances and the lives of their children. I try to demonstrate how easy it is to participate in developing effective policy and public programs. I encourage them to become more active in their own lives by showing them how important it is to be heard by their legislators, congressional representatives, and their community leaders.
I am effective because I get things done!

What would your former employers say about you? What areas would they suggest you work on?
  • "Her involvement with the class, her interaction with the students and teachers alike, and her willingness to listen while offering fresh insight of her own made working with Elyssa a very enjoyable experience."
  • "Her energy for the work and the educational process showcased both her abilities for problem solving and her well-developed communication skills."
  • "Elyssa's enthusiasm for knowledge and the process of learning impressed me a great deal. She has an active curiosity about education and the learning process."
  • Some employers have not been quite as enthusiastic regarding my level of personal involvement with my work... they may suggest I work on my objectivity in the workplace. I tend to take my work very seriously.


Please list your top five achievements at your last position.
  1. My clients still call me from school in the morning to let me know they made it there safely. None have dropped out and five will be graduating this May!
  2. One former client is no longer abusing small animals after we took a day trip to the animal shelter. He now demonstrates empathy towards animals and treats them with a gentle hand.
  3. Mental health parity has received considerable more attention from the press after the NBCNightly News picked up an article I wrote. NBC requested on camera interview, but my schedule was not the least bit forgiving at the time.
  4. New York State passed a bill for Medicaid buy-in the day after I had organized a trip to Albany for members of my community who were at-risk for losing their benefits.
  5. My persistence locating subjects (participants in a long-term study of children with severe emotional disorders) allowed for more reliable and valid results since a larger, more representative sample was achieved for the third and final wave of interviews. The methods and study results were discussed recently in a prestigious journal of public policy.


Describe an interpersonal challenge you faced with a co-worker and how you resolved it.
I learned that my supervisor had altered some of my case notes for a client file that was scheduled to be audited. After confronting him with my original documentation and the new paperwork that was in the child's file, he told me that it was critical not to reflect abuse in my client files since it would cause the company to loose referrals from the Department of Children's services. After speaking with my sister (an attorney) I decided to make copies and forwarded them anonymously to a child rights organization.

What did you learn from it?
I ultimately resigned since I felt I did not want to be part of an organization that would place financial incentives above a child's welfare.

What experience do you have working directly with children? Concerns for children?
For my undergraduate practicum, I worked as a social skills counselor in a school-based intervention program designed for high-risk youth. After working with various groups of children, I began to notice significant differences in their levels of self-esteem. This made me increasingly concerned about policy issues involved in special education, assessment, and placement. I think it is critical to explore alternative program options that would allow children to receive the special attention they need without jeopardizing their emotional development.

Have you ever been involved in an effort to change a policy or a budget priority? Please describe.
Yes-several years ago, I had the opportunity to participate in the Governor's Roundtable on TennCare. The new CEO had implemented cuts to the program without providing members (or providers) with adequate time or information prior to implementing a major change to the prescription formulary (the list of approved medications.) Because I had witnessed the fallout at my local pharmacy that weekend, my supervisor requested that I draft a written statement to the committee regarding the impact of these changes for beneficiaries. After the newly appointed CEO of TennCare denied receiving any negative feedback on his rapid budget cuts, my boss asked me if I would be willing to speak before the committee and call his bluff. Ultimately, this lead to the passage of the Grier Amendment. Grier provides beneficiaries with a formal procedure that must be followed prior to cutting off any medications prior to receiving a formal appeal. Grier provides beneficiaries with a form of "due-process" protection granting them access to an adequate supply of medication while their physician can has the opportunity to obtain the necessary authorization for medically necessary treatment.
I recently ran into the former CEO that implemented the poorly planned budget cuts. He now works at my local gas station in the mini-mart; however, he claims they offer excellent health insurance with unlimited pharmacy benefits.

Why, in your opinion, do schools, early childhood education, and other programs that give children a fair chance in life receive so much less funding than they need and deserve?
I believe there are several reasons that contribute towards the pattern of under-funding educational programs. First, I believe that the "war on terror" has misrepresented our budget priorities to the general public. Second, I believe that there is a hesitation to re-distribute funds so that they can be used in the communities that would benefit the most from additional sources of funding. Third, I think that the people designing the budget are not sympathetic to the needs of the underprivileged, and they are reluctant to offend wealthier constituents by allocating funds towards impoverished districts. Fourth, I believe that the general public is quite comfortable believing that all is well in American schools, and if we keep adjusting the SAT's to reflect this myth, the true state of education will most likely be ignored. As a society, we must decide that education is a top priority and fund education in the same way we fund the military. I could go on, but I will not!

What specifically can be done to ensure that more public funding goes to schools, early childhood education and other programs that give children a fair chance in life?
We need to think of educational policy reform initiatives and programs in terms of equity rather than equality. Equality is a myth. Some children, schools, communities, and parents simply need more if they are to benefit from the large number of pre-k programs soon to become available to young Tennesseans. We must meet their needs by matching them with appropriate programs and opportunities by virtue of their parent's financial resources. We must reframe the educational model in terms of equity not equality; all homes and all schools are sadly not equal.
I was a head start child myself, and I am proud of my academic achievements. With the new lottery in place, many children will have a new source of opportunity: scholarship money can provide a completely new funding source beyond the standard K-12 public education. We need to reframe the educational model so that we can improve the system for children who are "at-risk" of falling behind so that they have true equal opportunity. There are many new opportunities to be had in the state of Tennessee. Not only can children now benefit from the new pre-K programs being developed, but they can also benefit from educational funding that has become available in the form of Hope scholarships that the lottery program offers for college.
We need to give children a fair shot at actualizing their inherent capabilities and help them to develop a love of learning before they have an opportunity to be lost in the "system."

Share experiences you've had in forming or building an organization.
As the director of special programs for NAMI, I had the opportunity to work with consumers and their families by planning special events and programs. I made frequent trips to the local psychiatric hospital to talk to consumers about how they need to take an active role in planning new programs-especially if they were unhappy with the current programs in place for SPMI (severe and persistent mentally ill) populations. I was amazed at how much you can accomplish on a long road trip by providing a school bus and free lunch for all who were willing to participate and make their voice (and their votes) count!


ESSAY SELECTED FOR PUBLICATION IN "GUIDE TO WRITING GRADUATE SCHOOL ESSAYS FOR THE HEALTH SCIENCES"


STATUS: APPLICATION DENIED


 IRONY: PRICELESS



Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Unwritten: A Letter to Myself


From: Elyssa Durant 
Date: September 5, 2008, 2:20:16 PM EDT
To: ed70
Subject: letter to catherine from AC

my god -- this could not have come at a better time!

i just spent the last 4 hours composing a letter only to realize i have no one to send it to.

i have so many things i need to say-- and it huts so much to realize that my carefully chosen words have been ignored, ridiculed or twisted by some egomaniac who seems to get off on making me feel like a piece of shit.

i spent hours writing a press release for a committee i joined believing it would lead to other opportunities (which it did) but apparently it is good to use so long as I don't put my name on it.

So after putting my entire soul into a volunteer project for the last two weeks, i am at a loss for words.  i only have tears.  

this world is breaking me, and i just don't get it...  

i don't understand why i do so much for others only to find myself completely abandoned by the very same people and organizations i helped build.  

all i can think right now is just sending a very simple one word reply: "FURB!"

hope is a terrible thing.  so is post traumatic stress. just as i begin to think i'm on the verge of breaking the cycle; the slightest trigger can set me back to the exact same place i was 13 years ago.

i'm sorry for babbling at your expense, but i actually may send it (to you exclusively) on the off chance that you may be able to see through my fragmented, disconnected words that keep me from participating in this so-called life.

thank you so very much-- if you don't mind, i may just send the letter to myself. 

i worked on for so long, [FIVE YEARS] because even if you don't read it, at least i'll know that i had enough courage to say what some people really need to hear!  

unfortunately, the people who need to hear what i'm saying are so far removed from the incredible pain they have caused me, they would not even realize i am directing my anger, fear, sadness and feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness that are a direct result of their depraved indifference.

this is a very sad day for me.  

i hope you don't mind me sharing too much-- it kind of comes with the territory!

Sincerely yours,

Elyssa Durant


-- 
Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.

http://labs.daylife.com/journalist/elyssa_durant

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/145691/elyssa_durant.html


"The paradox of education is precisely this-- that as one begins tobecome educated, one begins to examine the society in which he [orshe] is being educated."   - Baldwin


Elyssa D. Durant © 2008-2013


POST SCRIPT: This is a happy day for me because not only am I finally posting this "UNWRITTEN" letter, I no longer suffer with PTSD and after living in silence for more than a decade, I am finally finding my voice and my self. 

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Unwritten: Trapped

Have you ever been trapped?

I am not talking about your every day run-of-the-mill subway congestion or an elevator that is filled beyond capacity.  

Trapped.

No way out.

Paralyzed.

Frightened, frustrated, angry and desperate.

Like any ordinary "normal" person, you are going about your daily activities and the next moment you are drowning in unfamiliarity.  In reality, little has changed.  Sadly, nothing has changed.  Minutes, hours, years have passed... but nothing has changed.

Despite evidence to the contrary, your actions seem to have no consequence.  

This is how I feel.  Not as often as I used to, but more often than I care to admit and more often then I would like.  It leaves me paralyzed-- much like a deer frozen by the illuminating light of oncoming traffic.

It is a short journey from the trigger back to the beginning.  

I wonder what I may do if my task was completed.  It is my greatest hope to find a place where I can end this debilitating madness.  Just break the cycle. Free.

Free from the need to provide objective verification of my physical existence and a rational basis for a seemingly bizarre obsession.

I know these things.  I organize my life in a sequential, numerical, historical, logical order where everything has a designated beginning, middle and end.

There must be a place where reason and purpose replace obsessions and insanity.  

Can anyone understand this madness?  Why can't you see how simple everything is for me?

I need things to be simple.

My patterns seem so obvious. Pay attention!  What seems like chaos to you serves as my salvation.  Don't you see how resourceful I am?

I know my methods are rigid but they are clearly consistent with my "mission" in life.  

Few can be bothered with the elegant simplicity of my rituals.  My behaviors are rational! They protect my delicate foundation. I do not have far to fall.

I need an out!

Why question my methods? 

By collecting physical evidence of my experiences and transient existence, I can be someone. Someone with a past, a present, maybe even a future.

I collect, therefore I am.

Look! I have proof! History. References.

I want to be part of your world.  Really I do.  

I want roots, consistency and foundations.  I want high school reunions and a hometown.

My task must be finished!  It is destroying my relationship with my future self.  My soul is withering away beneath this desperate facade.  

Please give me a moments consideration and see me.  

I am not cruel.  I am not evil.  Nevertheless, I am so alone and isolated.  I am here and I am ready.  I am ready to end this endless search for home.  But how?

I need you.  I need you to help me find a place where I can feel comfortable ending this vicious cycle.  

I am looking to you... the collective you of humanity to help me through this time of need and uncertainty.  

All I seek is compassion, empathy, and understanding. I continue my search hoping I am not completely alone in my quest.

Restoring order dominates my very existence. Keeping me trapped in the past; invading the present; dictating my actions through repetition, ruminations, anxiety and fear inhibiting my growth and progress.


I do not have it in me to climb out of another depression.  

Don't you see how this life is breaking me?

If only I had the same resignation and grace of that lone Buck crossing a quiet country road, I would cherish the instant where I am faced with certain death or total salvation.

I would search for a sanctuary where forgiveness replaces damnation.

For one instant, I would welcome the challenge to live freely in this brave new world...  to explore and run free on a distant, winding path.

I would stand proud, defiant, and free.

Really, truly, trapped.  



Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.  © 2002-2013

UNWRITTEN: Patient Journal August 15, 2004

Beaten down with a pillow case,
Having no time to plea my case.

I have fallen much too far,
Always watching my dwindling star.

Trying to create a reason why,
Always trying to maintain my high.

But in the end it always fails,
And just like always, sadness prevails.

I'm always looked down upon by family and friends,
Can someone please pinch me when this madness ends.

CG © August 15, 2004

And the rest is still unwritten © 2013

Sunday, 1 September 2013

UNWRITTEN: A Letter to my Editor, Ned Vizzini

Unwritten:: A letter to my first Editor, Ned Vizzini 2008


From: “Ned V” 
Hey, sounds like me!  I’m headed towards ruin quick.  Hope all is well

-------------- Original message ---------

From: “Ned V”

I’m not good, Elyssa. Very depressed.  I was such a different person when I knew you.  But maybe I will be different soon. 

-------------------------

From "Elyssa D:

god ned-- I wish we could talk—based upon what I’ve read (what you’ve posted on line and through your interviews) it seems as though you are going through all the emotions and emotional chaos that I was experiencing the first year we met back in new York.

Another friend of mine just checked himself into a psych ward after a suicide attempt and I feel so helpless because I care and respect you both so much.

it is funny because I always thought that if I could just finish that damn book I was working on ten years ago—or just finished law school, my PhD. or any number of things—everything would be okay.

It confuses me because you finished your book—rob finished law school- I finished nothing.

A few weeks ago, I “lost my shit” so to speak, came across your interview, and was completely blown away—I used to be the crazy one—now I have my sanity back but nothing else.

having been through several crises myself, I came to believe that when you see someone in crisis, they become so overwhelmed and confused that they do not know what to do first—and how to dig out of the hole they have dug for themselves.  I decided that rather than asking, I just try to figure it out and give it to them, no questions asked, no thank you necessary.

How many people have told you, “Call if you there is anything I can do” and when you do call—nothing!  Nothing but disappointment and regret.  So I have decide never to ask somebody what they need—

Mostly because they don’t even know themselves— hen I came to the realization a few weeks ago that my transient existence is so tangential that no one would notice if I never took another breath—I tried to figure out what I needed so that I could give it to myself.
 
So I started going back through my old journals to see if I could identify the missing element of my life—you know that “thing” that would both make it all go away and make all come together so I could be a whole person again.
 
That thing is a figment of my imagination.  I used to think it was being loved by a man—I had that.  Wasn’t it.
 
Then I thought it was having money.  I had that.  But that wasn’t it either.
 
Then I thought it was health insurance—but no, that was not it either.
 
Then I thought it would be having that oh-so-critical Ivy League degree.  I have that.  That still wasn't it. 
 
So obviously, none of those things could have been “it.”
 
The thing I need most, I lost long ago, and that was hope. Perhaps I never really had it at all.

So I guess some things just can’t be bought, learned, earned, or acquired. 
 
I think of the long twisted road, and I remember one of my favorite childhood movies, where a girl named Dorothy was so determined to find her way home after a great storm.  Disillusioned and distracted, Dorothy would not yield to the many obstacles that had been placed in her way.  Determined to meet the great Wizard, she stayed one path. 
 
Yes, there were detours, obstacles, and the Wicked Witch of the West.  Each of these obstacles may have taken her of course, yet she never once lost sight of the road home.   She believed in one thing, the Wizard, and his ability to bring her home.  

Having great faith and determination, she never strayed far off the path to righteousness.  Dorothy had a clearly defined goal, a means to get there, and a bright yellow brick road to guide her.  Through her determination and unyielding faith, Dorothy never once doubted that she was on the right path. 
 
In the Wizard of Oz, the yellow brick road may have been the path she was taking, but through her determination and blind faith, she was able to bring others onto the road t enlightenment.
 
The lion found his courage; the tin man got a heart.  The scarecrow got some brains—and even Dorothy got what she needed most. 
 
Dorothy began her journey looking for one thing.  She needed to get back to place she began, and find her way home. Dorothy teaches us a valuable lesson, but she was lucky enough to know what it was she so desperately longed for... home.
 
If all I had to do was click my heals three times and find my way home, well, sadly I would not even know where home is.  Yes, they say home is where the heart is, and perhaps that is part of the problem.  But for some of us, out childhood homes were not places of happiness and nostalgia.  They are places from which we run, searching endlessly for that magical place and can only hope that we have come across a road that is clearly marked to guide us in our destination. 
 
Of course, we know there will be that take us off course, and it will up to us to find our way back.  Unfortunately, there is a certain point when we lose our direction and we lose our faith.  As I grew older, I came to realize recognize that my feeling of detachment went far beyond having a dysfunctional childhood a broken family life that even my sister and I never lived in the same house for more than a year or so in the summertime.

So no matter how long I have been in Nashville, in many ways I am, in fact still a stranger.  I am a stranger because homeless is a state of mind. 
 
In my mind, I like to think a home is a place of acceptance, shelter, and a place you can find forgiveness, comfort and recognition.  For most, going home means to reconnect in a way so that you are reminded that you have something, someone, who will always have your back. 
 
Homer represents more than a structure; it represents a strong foundation that will always be there whenever you need to feel safety and comfort.  For me safety is marked by the boundaries that are supposed to keep me safe and protected. 
 
So this is my home.  I don’t necessarily feel safe here, but I do feel consistent.  I do not have to worry that I will be forced to switch schools, neighbors or friends every six months just because my parents could not get it right.  What they failed to realize is just how very wrong it really was.  Changing schools, changing friends, changing siblings; changing myself just enough each time so that I could fit in. But after 16 years of constant change, I never got the opportunity to find out anything real about myself.  Even my name was changed when I moved--- dad called me Liz, and my mother called herself any number of last names as she desperately tried to hold on to her youth, her beauty, and delusional fantasies of entitlement and sacrifice that I think she may actually believe. 

I have never had plastic surgery, could not afford it anyway, but what do have is a clear memory, vivid nightmares, and a place of my own.  What I also realize, is that until I can live free from fear and dependence, I will never truly be able to know what it feels like to be at home.  If home is where the heart is, then homelessness is clearly just a state of mind.  And today I have some hope that I might someday no longer feel just as homeless at home.  So now I know more than ever, that homelessness is a far more than a concrete structure or family property. 
 
I will always feel a little homeless at home.  It is knowing that you are the thing that remains constant—regardless of any dreams I may have, I will never have the constant I would need to get bring a child into this world--- as much I  would like to. 
I envy those who feel they have so much in their lives that they can trust without any reservation that the world is a loving enough place they want to share with a child. Especially a child of their own.  No, my mother told me long, long time ago, that I can never have children.  

She also told me last year, that I could not have a dog.  My own mother does not think I am capable of raising a puppy.  Maybe she’s right.  She did put her fears into action when she once donated my cat of 14 years to the animal shelter under someone else name so that I truly was left without any ties to the condo I stayed in for a few short months while I tried to come up with a plan to take him and myself far from a place where we could be safe and live free. 

I adopted him back from the animal shelter 40 miles out after learning that she had used someone else’s name at the agency so I could not find him on my own.

I will not look elsewhere to find the essentials things healthy children receive that in turn makes them healthy adults. 
 
I will never be “healthy” but I do think I wish I could give more than what I have received.  I regret never being the kind of “community member" I think I could have been, and I doubt I will get over the sheer humiliation of having to love this way for so many years when I should have been doing so much more.
 
in having truly been able to do the great things for society that I believe I could, but I can’t regret not giving no longer need constant reassurance, recognition, or validation, but I will always question whether things could have been different if only one person had taken the time to show me I was worth it.  That I deserved more than what I could actually afford and realize that I do give so much in so many other ways.  

The ways that people cannot calculate or see just how badly the ones who received them needed those gifts.  It was the little things.  It was Kody, it was Desiree, but above all else, it was me setting goals, the feelings of that my feeling I would never and was no longer subject to bi-annual custody disputes and shifts  and us to realize that homelessness is merely a state of mind. 

Where would I go?  10 years “down the road” and now, more than ever, I realize I am truly and deeply, “homeless at home.”  
 
You see it is not so much that I doubt myself, I just don’t trust that people will not do horrible things even if that means doing nothing at all. 
 
I do have much love to give.  Actually too much.  So much that it often pours out of me in inappropriate sentimentality.  I know when I need to keep to myself, and I know when my anxieties starts to make others a little anxious.  I know because as I see you react to me be anxious, it only makes me that much worse. It is one of my worst, but at times sometimes, that sensitivity is also at times a wonderful attribute and god given gift.

But should that prevent me from getting out into the world just because other people think I should be don’t like me … that’s not my job.
 
I have spent more than half of my life in self-imposed isolation, and the other half wondering how I can be less annoying and high strung so others would want me around.  The sad truth is, yes, I am annoying, but also, I am perceptive and very aware.  

Sometimes I do it purpose. 
 
I should not have to live in isolation because I have nervous tics or sometimes say the wrong thing.  But regardless of what people seem to think about welfare recipients being lazy bums guess what—FUCK you right back.   I have chosen to keep to myself just in case I really am so horrible to be around that my own parents think I would be better off dead.
 
and the rest is still unwritten... 

Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M. © 2008-2013



Saturday, 31 August 2013

Unwritten: Good Fences

What must my neighbors think? I'm up all night and I sleep all day. I can only write with one pen, and I often leave my keys in the door. I am noisy and loud, and to make matters worse, I from New York. I listen to only one song on the radio over and over again. 

I take everything I own with me when I leave, and carry it back in when I get home. I am constantly tripping my own feet, and probably offend them with my politics, and I am not shy to say that President Bush looks like the Outbreak Monkey. 

When the Bureau ofTennCare rejected my application to work in the women's prison, I cam e to realize that the prisoners got a much better offer—it includes room and board! 

So no one wants to hire me. But they don't know me. And they don't care. After being assaulted in my own home several years ago, I noticed my neighbor witnessing the event through his bedroom window. 

When questioned by the police regarding his failure to act, he simply told them, "Well, as far as I'm concerned, good fences make good neighbors."

Well, fuck him! 

Do you know how scary it is to be alone in a strange city? Afraid to leave and, afraid to go home? To live in your car because it was the better option? 

To come home one day and find everything, and I mean everythmg you own gone? 

Your birth certificate, social security card, your grandmother's jewelry. 

Where would you stay? 

Would  know what to do? 

Would you ever go back? 

Would you ever feel safe again in your own home? 

Anywhere?

Who would you trust? 

Who could you trust?

You could trust me because that is who I am. 



and the rest is still unwritten 

August 31, 2013


 

Friday, 30 August 2013

Unwritten: For my mentor in Deep Black October 10, 2011

Unwritten: Deep Black 
Date: October 10, 2011, 4:36:44 PM EDT

MONKEYS OF EDEN - The telepathic Overlords and the Slaves of Earth Earthhttp://www.whale.to/b/monkeys.html   

I'm going to read this again ~ see if I can get a telepathic message to you. You said on the 24th that you weren't feeling 100% and now there has been no sign of Rahamiim for several weeks. 

I'm sure glad we made up after our little scuffle because I would have hated for my last words to you to be words of anger. 

You taught me SO much in such a short time~ and thanks to you I know where to go for information to arm myself for this war that most people are oblivious to. 

I don't know if something happened to your physical body, but I send this particular link hoping that it can transcend time and space and my grieving (yet hopeful emotions) can be trance-ported into a format you can receive wherever you are. 

It is important to me that you know how much I learned from you. 

Brutal truths were revealed to me through our work together.  I will continue to hope for your return until I hear otherwise. 

When Marc (Parent) left, I knew he wouldn't be coming back. Fravia+ wrote one of the most beautiful Swan songs I was ever privy to read. 

In keeping with both of their philosophies, I will continue seeking and I will add your website to the list of those that must be preserved for the greater good. 

The 90/10 rule of open source intelligence to honor all the information you graciously shared since we first became acquainted. 

The 10% will remain protected. It is not my place to share your secrets. 

The rest is still Unwritten © 2011 
Posted on August 30, 2013


אל

UNWRITTEN: Harry and Louise: Adding Insult to Injury?

Harry & Louise: Adding Insult to Injury? 

My first spring back in New York, we used to joke about J-School: Were they trying to tweak our skills turning us into experts in public journalism or public relations.

I took my first graduate level class in public journalism on the 4th floor at the infamous J-School located inside the cool steel gates separating surrounding Morningside Heights. 116th street from the homeless and the winos’ asking everyone all the passer by's for money just before we walked through the iron gates leading to the Ivory Tower. 

The blocks surrounding 116th-120th where only the young and the talented get ready to take their place in society. 

We would pass the men living on the streets each day, enter through the solid stone doors that were 12 ft tall, and write about them.  With such eloquence you would hardly know they were homeless at all.  We exploited them.

Just like Tuskegee exploited the Blacks, and the Army exploits the young and the rudderless, we exploited the sick irony of paying more per credit than they earned in one year on Veterans benefits or disability.  

We disgust me.  

But Karma is a bitch, because less than 2 years later there I was, sleeping in the law school stacks; showering in the indoor pool...  gym because I “looked good enough to pass through the gates.”  I had that Ivy League pedigree. The would-have-been Harvard Law student—maybe even have had it paid in full had I been a boy or born to a different mother.

What the fuck did they know?   That cute little Jewish Girl from Long Island, the one from a "good" family... the Harvard Legacy with the beautiful mother always dripping in jewels and fur from her latest boyfriend or husband—that little girl was me.

I should have been the perfect example of how a power player in the making the benefits from good breeding.  No one ever needed to know that beneath it all I worked my ass off to get into College and ultimately get a scholarship into the top ranked program in Sociology and Social Policy to effect change.  The fact that I dropped out of high school at 16 could remain my dirty little secret. 

And to this day, no one has ever come forward to expose that little truth.  Probably because so few people know—Maybe three or four  So would I reveal such an embarrassing little detail of my life and risk my reputation on something I should have left behind me over twenty years ago?

Because it matters.   

No one needed to know.  I can get by well enough on my looks, I speak quite eloquently, and usually appear normal to most, but it is an important little factoid because people constantly judge ME based upon who they think I am – either the girl with the wealthy parents, or a lazy too stupid too get off welfare. 

It matters because what appears to be and what is are often two very different things.  I am in fact, an Ivy League Alumnus.  I did in fact get a full scholarship into the PhD program in Public Policy at a leading University. 

I am in fact unable to find employment and live on a ridiculous monthly allowance from Social Security (Supplemental Security Income) the lowest of the low.  I am so far beneath the poverty level (already ridiculous) that I often wonder how I manage to live at all. 

So that "legacy," the access I once had to the Ivory tower on the 4th floor we wrote is now gone.  Not because they didn't like my work-- they loved it!  Solid A in Public Journalism. 

Well if I were in New York today, I would most likely be one of the people o the streets.  Actually, I would probably be sitting across the street at the Bookstore just so I could stay close to the vast amounts of wisdom and philosophy within the hollowed halls as classes break for the summer. I would be watching people go in and out and be envious that they had the one thing that I don't: access.  

So I made it through the very Same J-School where Pat Buchanan refused to speak to his Alma-mater because he once punched someone in the face on the 5th floor.  I made it through despite the fact that I often times slept in my car in the middle of winter because I could not afford gas for the commute and eventually lost my apartment.  I made it through having no electricity and frozen water pipes.

The question is: can I make it through this?  I paid my dues. I deserve a chance.  Dammit, I deserve a do-over.  I deserve a job.   I deserve a little credit. 

Will our policy decision be based upon our need for reform or the ability to perform?

We used to joke about all the sell-out Journalist who give up on reporting the news to become speech writers for politicians.  How people like Pat Buchanan (a J-School alum) became so skilled at using their words to  sell ideas in such a way that people actually believed the propaganda they were sinning.

I have given much thought to this... the only people who are more arrogant and self serving than politicians and academics are reporters!

I think they become addicted to the their own power to manipulate people and they are willing to trade a little tarnished idealism for power and inflated self-esteem.

I am not one of those people. I care enough about the issues to take the time to examine them from all angles-- and I fell that the massive amount of money being spent by agencies that I hold in deep respect launching a counter-attack on the insurance companies and their ad execs will have serve to damage their reputation.  I chose to volunteer with these agencies because I believe they are well informed and do a great job to involve the everyday average Americans like myself in the political process. 

By spending $750,000 on advertising, these groups now seem to be on the same level as the Insurance Industry and others who exploit the poor and infirm at the mercy of the healthcare marketplace. 

So I take issue with this campaign.  Let Rick Scott be heard.  Using such tactics will make the good guys no better than the Insurance Companies that exploit us all.

Are these ads showing us: how to reform or how to perform?

The large amount of funds being thrown (public or private) being spent on media fluff, and emotional being spent on media propaganda and 'skittles' on both sides of the healthcare debate.

I am offended by the huge amounts of money being spent on propaganda and skittles by both sides of the healthcare debate. Excessive, exorbitant monies being spent to manipulate the public through misleading ads, expert analyses, media alerts~ this is insulting at best.

Real dollars being used to manipulate the public about real issues: the sick; the poor; the ignorant... We are selling bad data and information to those who need it the most.

Talk about adding insult to injury?  I do hope HCAN, HealthJustice and others will reconsider this campaign.  I am one foot soldier who is unwilling to participate in this one.

Bottom line is this: we need to stop manipulating images and perceptions about the reality of healthcare, education, and social welfare in the United States.  All is not well in America.  Not well at all.  And I am here to prove it!

Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.
United States of America



UNWRITTEN: No Child Left Behind

TELL THE WHOLE STORY! 

Please report responsibly. Although I am not familiar with the statistical validity and reliability of the ACT, I am quite certain that this "standardized" test is quite similar to other high-stakes tests (e.g., the S.A.T.) used to evaluate student performance in the "good old U'S of A". 

Although the College Board and ETS (Educational Testing Service) will have you believe that these exams are an accurate measure "aptitude," in reality most entrance exams are just another barrier discouraging disenfranchised youth from pursuing their dreams of a "higher education."

Studies consistently show that standardized entrance exams such as the SAT and ACT do not accurately predict academic performance or ability. 
These high-stakes test show one thing and one thing only: that some students are better test-takers than others! 

The inherent biases of these gateway examinations provide just one more opportunity for the cultural elite to maintain the status quo in this country.

By printing such tidbits of information without further inquiry, The Nashville City Paper is'contributing to the educational crisis in public schools by failing to offer a more'in-depth analysis of what these scores represent. 

By releasing such timely factoids out of context, The City Paper (and the School Board) is lending credence to bogus, elitist intellectual theories such as "The Bell Curve."

High stakes standardized entrance exams are not only culturally biased, but also politically motivated in their agenda to cash in on Title I funds and, in this state, bring creationism and Bible studies into public classrooms. 

Appalling. 

Tennessee schools are so far behind the times it amazes me that a so-called liberal news outlet such as The City Paper can print such garbage and get stay in business.

[SIDE NOTE: After receiving several scathing letters from yours truly, the Editor in Chief asked me to write a weekly column for The Nashville City Paper. 

Cliff never printed this letter because he was fired shortly after printing my previous letter and took a job with a conservative think tank. 

The new editor either didn't appreciate my weekly rants or could not afford to pay me ten cents per word for my weekly rants. 

 Unfortunately, the paper was "reorganized" and the Editor and I were not part of their new generic pollyanna format.]

These exposes are part of Bill Bennett (you, know, the Virtues guy who wants kill all the brown babies and bring back the basics? Core curriculum racist, sexist, offensive ideologies and extremist agendas demanding Tennessee bring back a "return to basics" type of core-curriculum. 

Please report responsibly and tell the whole story. 



 

At best, if your story is accurate, this test is designed to demonstrate academic mastery of the "core curriculum" all we have proven is this: our schools are failing miserably at educating those students who need us most. 

Equal opportunity is a myth when it comes to public education. If you truly want "No Child Left Behind" give them the tools they need to move forward. 

Elyssa D'Educrat 

####

Thursday, 29 August 2013

UNWRITTEN: No Child Left Behind

TELL THE WHOLE STORY! 

Please report responsibly. Although I am not familiar with the statistical validity and reliability of the ACT, I am quite certain that this "standardized" test is quite similar to other high-stakes tests (e.g., the S.A.T.) used to evaluate student performance in the "good old U'S of A". 

Although the College Board and ETS (Educational Testing Service) will have you believe that these exams are an accurate measure "aptitude," in reality most entrance exams are just another barrier discouraging disenfranchised youth from pursuing their dreams of a "higher education."

Studies consistently show that standardized entrance exams such as the SAT and ACT do not accurately predict academic performance or ability. 
These high-stakes test show one thing and one thing only: that some students are better test-takers than others! 

The inherent biases of these gateway examinations provide just one more opportunity for the cultural elite to maintain the status quo in this country.

By printing such tidbits of information without further inquiry, The Nashville City Paper is'contributing to the educational crisis in public schools by failing to offer a more'in-depth analysis of what these scores represent. 

By releasing such timely factoids out of context, The City Paper (and the School Board) is lending credence to bogus, elitist intellectual theories such as "The Bell Curve."

High stakes standardized entrance exams are not only culturally biased, but also politically motivated in their agenda to cash in on Title I funds and, in this state, bring creationism and Bible studies into public classrooms. 

Appalling. 

Tennessee schools are so far behind the times it amazes me that a so-called liberal news outlet such as The City Paper can print such garbage and get stay in business.

[SIDE NOTE: After receiving several scathing letters from yours truly, the Editor in Chief asked me to write a weekly column for The Nashville City Paper. 

Cliff never printed this letter because he was fired shortly after printing my previous letter and took a job with a conservative think tank. 

The new editor either didn't appreciate my weekly rants or could not afford to pay me ten cents per word for my weekly rants. 

 Unfortunately, the paper was "reorganized" and the Editor and I were not part of their new generic pollyanna format.]

These exposes are part of Bill Bennett (you, know, the Virtues guy who wants kill all the brown babies and bring back the basics? Core curriculum racist, sexist, offensive ideologies and extremist agendas demanding Tennessee bring back a "return to basics" type of core-curriculum. 

Please report responsibly and tell the whole story. 



At best, if your story is accurate, this test is designed to demonstrate academic mastery of the "core curriculum" all we have proven is this: our schools are failing miserably at educating those students who need us most. 

Equal opportunity is a myth when it comes to public education. If you truly want "No Child Left Behind" give them the tools they need to move forward. 

Elyssa D'Educrat 

####

UNWRITTEN: Post Traumatic Press Release 2008


September 5, 2008, 2:20:16 PM EDT
To: drafts
Subject: letter to catherine from AC

my god -- this could not have come at a better time!

i just spent the last 4 hours composing a letter only to realize i have no one to send it to.

i have so many things i need to say-- and it huts so much to realize that my carefully chosen words have been ignored, ridiculed or twisted by some egomaniac who seems to get off on making me feel like a piece of shit.

i spent hours writing a press release for a committee i joined believing it would lead to other opportunities (which it did) but apparently it is good to use so long as I don't put my name on it.


So after putting my entire soul into a volunteer project for the last two weeks, i am at a loss for words.  i only have tears.  
this world is breaking me, and i just don't get it...  

i don't understand why i do so much for others only to find myself completely abandoned by the very same people and organizations i helped build.  

all i can think right now is just sending a very simple one word reply: "FURB!"
hope is a terrible thing.  so is post traumatic stress. just as i begin to think i'm on the verge of breaking the cycle; the slightest trigger can set me back to the exact same place i was 13 years ago.

i'm sorry for babbling at your expense, but i actually may send it (to you exclusively) on the off chance that you may be able to see through my fragmented, disconnected words that keep me from participating in this so-called life.

thank you so very much-- if you don't mind, i may just send the letter to myself. 
i worked on for so long, [FIVE YEARS] because even if you don't read it, at least i'll know that i had enough courage to say what some people really need to hear!  

unfortunately, the people who need to hear what i'm saying are so far removed from the incredible pain they have caused me, they would not even realize i am directing my anger, fear, sadness and feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness that are a direct result of their depraved indifference.
this is a very sad day for me.  

i hope you don't mind me sharing too much-- it kind of comes with the territory!

sincerely yours,

Elyssa Durant


-- 
Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee
E-mail: [redacted]

http://labs.daylife.com/journalist/elyssa_durant

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/145691/elyssa_durant.html


"The paradox of education is precisely this-- that as one begins to become educated, one begins to examine the society in which he [or she] is being educated."   - Baldwin

POST SCRIPT: This is a happy day for me because not only am I finally posting this "UNWRITTEN" letter, I no longer suffer with PTSD and after living in silence for more than a decade, I am finally finding my voice and my self. August 29, 2013. 

No longer "UNWRITTEN"  ©  2008-2013

^ed

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

UNWRITTEN: Political Poetry

C: Lost in a field of thoughts drowning in a sea of emotions. 

E: Holy crap—I cannot stand all this commotion! People are dying because the media keeps lying—Alligator tears? You pretend to be crying! 

C: The nation is shocked at how oblivious they have been to criminals elected; All through the years has it gone undetected? 

E: It is not whom we elect—it is who has the money. This corruption and greed is not at all funny! You may sit and laugh at you watch the tube—but these are real people being abused! If you don't bother to vote, you have no voice, so get off your ass and make a real choice!

Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M. © 2004-2013

UNWRITTEN: My Father, My Self

July 23, 2013

Dear Dad,

I apologize for not getting back to you sooner but I had to process my thoughts before responding. 

Unfortunately, I had to withdraw from the course and defer admissions since I was about $950 short and was unable to borrow the money from Karen since she told me that she could not afford to lend me the money. 

I was devastated and felt she was being dishonest with me since she just sold the condo my grandmother gave her for over $750,000. 

It wasn't worth fighting over since we both know that it may have resulted in a drawn out battle like the one she had with her brother when Grandpa Al died. 

I was in a deep depression when I saw the deed to the house since Karen promised that she would leave the property to Lauren and I to return the favor. Instead, she threw out all of our things and I collected photographs you had taken of us when we were little girls. 



On a side note, she also wants us to reimburse her for the ObGyn bill when I was born! 

I can't tell you how disappointed I am since I would only need one more class after that for my degree and I was really looking forward to a visit with you since it has been a while and I have some things I want to tell you. 

I finally get it. 

I just wish I could have "gotten it" earlier in life so I could have made better choices and decisions. 

Now that I am growing older, I see a lot of myself in you. 


I have always respected you. Your amazing focus, work ethic, and self discipline. 

Hate to break it to you, but even though I don't have to, I actually kinda of like you!

I used to make fun of you for buying three pairs of the same jeans and cutting them at the ankles. 

Guess what? I do it now too!  I buy three of everything too because I have to come to value comfort more than fashion. 

My ears are sensitive like yours and I go apeshit when I hear noisy teenagers on a train. And if I had a badge? You bet your ass I would flash it too!

I have zero tolerance for histrionics and manipulative behavior and I would rather be told the most awful truth than a well constructed lie. 

I make good eye contact and often find myself speaking in monotone, repeating the same words until they come out just right or are understood. 

I don't know if these traits are from your strict upbringing or if they are a genetic predisposition since I have come to learn that they are common for people with Aspergers Syndrome. Echolalia, sensory overload, a need for consistency. 

Like you, I can be extremely focused and have special interests that have allowed me to become one of the "top four policy analysts to graduate from Columbia's program in the last 40 years" and "the only person [Congressman Cooper] knows in the state of Tennessee capable of understanding the complexities of the relevant health care law and policy issues."

Things haven't worked out the way I hoped and planned but you never told me life was fair or that everything would be okay.

I resigned from my job with the state because I couldn't tell my clients (juvenile offenders or victims of horrific abuse and neglect) that things "would get better" when I knew in my heart that they were in for a cruel, unjust ride through a corrupt welfare system and had little to no chance of surviving in this society if they expected to rely upon the "system" to meet their basic needs. 

The system is designed to keep people locked into a dependence and learned helplessness with little chance of ever breaking free.  
Having lived on under $17/day for more years than I care to admit.

I simply could not be a party to encouraging children and young adults to subscribe to that mindset and tell them their lives would improve; that the system would help them achieve independence when I knew damn well that I was fostering false hopes by encouraging a lifestyle of dependence that would likely continue into adulthood. 

It broke my heart. It broke my spirit and it broke my faith in the system. 

I no longer want to save the world. Quite frankly, I have given far too much of myself and my time working with charities and volunteering with non-profit agencies that paid me far less than I deserved because I let them. 

I am paying for that now. But maybe someday, I will feel confident enough to   demand a real salary and maybe even collect royalties on my publications and the book I wrote that sold 62,000 copies without paying me a dime. 

I hope you will read it someday if you haven't already and know that I finally learned to speak and write the way you taught me to... 

I do hope you know that despite my past and residual anger, I love you and hope that you love me too. 

Love, 

Liz





Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.
Research & Policy Analyst


On Jul 23, 2013, at 7:39 AM, Marc Durant

wrote:


Did you ever make it to Columbia and NYC?
__________________
[redacted]
________________________________________
From: Elyssa Durant
Sent: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 7:19 AM
To: Marc Durant; Schuessler George; Rick; Stu; Social Justice; Vaxen; Joel; Elyssa Danielle Durant
Subject: Yahoo's Very Bad Idea to Release Email Addresses | Threat Level | Wired.com

Holy mother of God!!



Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.
Research & Policy Analyst